The new Premier League season is upon us and so returns our favourite covert, scribbling footballer.

The first article of the new season is about what the opening day entails for a footballer.

He talks of the buzz created from a first day victory as well as the bedding in of new players.

Not a lot to glean in terms of his identity other than he has been dropped for an opening day encounter. Not sure that’s going to rule many out though?

…oh and that his first season as a professional was ‘above average’ and his manager at the time had said to him going in to that season, “Listen, it’s OK if you cock up. Every player cocks up from time to time. The best thing about football is that you have plenty of seasons left to make amends. But just remember that none of them will be here.”